Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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