You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
