So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
