Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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