My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Holy shit dude........stairs
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
