Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize