what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
