Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
