We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
