you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Is it because I queefed?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
