Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Randomize
