So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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