My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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