put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
