Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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