i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize