Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
