I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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