remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
