never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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