Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
