Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
