By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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