I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
