yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
