I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
