i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize