Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize