Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
