Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
