Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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