nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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