my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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