You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
