Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
