but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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