sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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