can we get nightvision for the apartment?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
