My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
