bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
