you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
