Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
