a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
