It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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