u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
