dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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