He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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