What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
