I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
areolas are like halos for boobs.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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