i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
is that a dick in a sweater?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You ruined the universe
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize