I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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