Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
