piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
