At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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