I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize