umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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