Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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