is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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