dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Randomize
