he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
