why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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