So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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