Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
He's on the porch naked. Help.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
