i will never coherently bang her
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
