Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
