I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
These tits shall not be calmed
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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