if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
