Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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