fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
