She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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