I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
