i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
