idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
