Just mADE A PArabola og urine
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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