I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
This baby is an asshole
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
