I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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