We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
