I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
