I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
