its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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