Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize