Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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