I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
