i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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