Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize