stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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