It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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