dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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