You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
You don't make any sense
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