question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
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