i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
im about as happy as oj after his trial
accomplished twins. life is a go
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
