allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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