So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
