i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
