whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Im part way to drunk.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
