I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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